I have a peculiar issue. I am unable to stay mad at anybody, no matter how big of an arguement or problem i've had with them, or even if they have wronged me. No matter how big the fight or issue was at the time, I will forget the anger in some time, and at times even apologize to amend things. Also, I catch myself sometimes trying to accomodate all and sundry requests from friends and family, even if it may inconvinence me some, just to be nice to them . I cannot take people being mad at me, and if at all i feel like I may have upset someone, I feel the need to make things right with them, even though that person may be seemingly unimportant in my life.
I don't mean to blame my mother for this, but i think it started because my mother would always push me to be nice to everyone, she would immediately assume that I have been the cause of any fight between friends or siblings and make me apologize. Now i feel that this has somewhere played on my psyche and I have a need to be nice. Even though I do think that niceness is so overrated, I catch myself wanting to be nice. Has anyone overcome such issues ? Any helpful suggestions are welcome .
P.S Please be nice :wink when replying :e
Tips to curb people pleasing
Tips to curb people pleasing
willynilly;315893I have a peculiar issue. I am unable to stay mad at anybody
I wish this "peculiar" issue on everyone. :)
I am like that only. I don't have any enemies, but friends. There are some that may not like me, but it is their choice. :)
Just be. :thup:
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PeterGriffin
- Posts: 3327
- Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:12 am
Tips to curb people pleasing
boca2blr;315900I wish this "peculiar" issue on everyone. :)
I am like that only. I don't have any enemies, but friends. There are some that may not like me, but it is their choice. :)
Just be. :thup:
+1
My dad is the same too. He's got a million friends and no enemies! My wedding reception hosted about a 1000 people. 800 of them were his friends! :)
Tips to curb people pleasing
Interesting thread and quite different from the usual stuff we find on the forum on a daily basis.
I can very well relate to the OP. However, I have quite a different stance on this subject. 'Niceness' doesn't always get one very far. Sometimes, being ruthless and shrewd is what it takes to be taken seriously. See, I used to be this 'Mr.Nice Guy' - always obliging, accomodating and heeding to the wishes of others over my own . . but then, that led people taking advantage and trying to walk all over me which made me realize that I was being taken for granted.
Since then, I've developed quite a thick skin and to re-quote the term oft-used by my wife, I've become "void of emotions" and have become more practical in my approach - not in a selfish or self-centered way, but in a more realistic manner. In other words, I will bend over backwards if needed, only for my own or my immediate family's needs, followed closely by long-standing friends and relatives. The rest are all secondary. I'm by nature a friendly person, but if ticked the wrong way, I can be the coldest person on earth. And did I mention that I have the memory of an elephant? I will never forget anything. Forgive I might, but forget? Never!
Anyway, I too am like that only!
I can very well relate to the OP. However, I have quite a different stance on this subject. 'Niceness' doesn't always get one very far. Sometimes, being ruthless and shrewd is what it takes to be taken seriously. See, I used to be this 'Mr.Nice Guy' - always obliging, accomodating and heeding to the wishes of others over my own . . but then, that led people taking advantage and trying to walk all over me which made me realize that I was being taken for granted.
Since then, I've developed quite a thick skin and to re-quote the term oft-used by my wife, I've become "void of emotions" and have become more practical in my approach - not in a selfish or self-centered way, but in a more realistic manner. In other words, I will bend over backwards if needed, only for my own or my immediate family's needs, followed closely by long-standing friends and relatives. The rest are all secondary. I'm by nature a friendly person, but if ticked the wrong way, I can be the coldest person on earth. And did I mention that I have the memory of an elephant? I will never forget anything. Forgive I might, but forget? Never!
Anyway, I too am like that only!
Tips to curb people pleasing
OotyGuy;315909the term oft-used by my wife, I've become "void of emotions"[/quote]
You too? :)
It is not necessarily being "void of emotions", but being in total control of.
Tips to curb people pleasing
OotyGuy;315909Interesting thread and quite different from the usual stuff we find on the forum on a daily basis.
I can very well relate to the OP. However, I have quite a different stance on this subject. 'Niceness' doesn't always get one very far. Sometimes, being ruthless and shrewd is what it takes to be taken seriously. See, I used to be this 'Mr.Nice Guy' - always obliging, accomodating and heeding to the wishes of others over my own . . but then, that led people taking advantage and trying to walk all over me which made me realize that I was being taken for granted.
Since then, I've developed quite a thick skin and to re-quote the term oft-used by my wife, I've become "void of emotions" and have become more practical in my approach - not in a selfish or self-centered way, but in a more realistic manner. In other words, I will bend over backwards if needed, only for my own or my immediate family's needs, followed closely by long-standing friends and relatives. The rest are all secondary. I'm by nature a friendly person, but if ticked the wrong way, I can be the coldest person on earth. And did I mention that I have the memory of an elephant? I will never forget anything. Forgive I might, but forget? Never!
Anyway, I too am like that only!
But what did you do to become "cold" , thats the question.
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returning_indian
- Posts: 2322
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Tips to curb people pleasing
OotyGuy;315909 I'm by nature a friendly person, but if ticked the wrong way, I can be the coldest person on earth. And did I mention that I have the memory of an elephant? I will never forget anything. Forgive I might, but forget? Never!You sound like my friend's wife.
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Mumbai_2009
- Posts: 844
- Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:15 pm
Tips to curb people pleasing
OP,
That is very nice quality...to be nice to others no matter what..... Keep it and Thank you mother...:-). Just be what you are. Why you want to be un-nice?
I don't dwell much on my niceties. I tend to be genuine with people, no hidden agenda, very straight forward. Some like it, some don't. I do what I can to most with varying degrees of my closeness. I don't even remember if I had made anybody mad (maybe unknowningly which I don't recollect) ....the longest I remember is only my DH...
That is very nice quality...to be nice to others no matter what..... Keep it and Thank you mother...:-). Just be what you are. Why you want to be un-nice?
I don't dwell much on my niceties. I tend to be genuine with people, no hidden agenda, very straight forward. Some like it, some don't. I do what I can to most with varying degrees of my closeness. I don't even remember if I had made anybody mad (maybe unknowningly which I don't recollect) ....the longest I remember is only my DH...
Tips to curb people pleasing
Lo kar lo baat !! ** As a woman of greatness you should be inclined to wards people pleasing you , not the other way round behana. The world is just lucky to have us, don't bother much about them. Our very own great philosopher Maya once said something about women being too important to fuss over certain things , you may put people pleasing on top of that list.
j/k.
As a young kid I always thought that I would create a world that has me at center , everything else family, friends, husband, kids etc. will be the periphery and my world would revolve around me (believe it or not , my mother was the reason behind my logic too... I always felt she was way too nice and I saw that as a weakness). As I grew up I realized it gets really lonely the me first way , it is that bit of niceness we carry inside makes the world livable. However I still think it has to be a give and take business or at least needs to be balanced in some way.
If you think you are too nice all the time , may be you can start by (1) only one act of niceness a day (2) For every act of niceness to someone else return the favor to yourself as well. i.e. do something good for yourself.
It might help. Good Luck.
** Translation: Don't tell me about it :)
j/k.
As a young kid I always thought that I would create a world that has me at center , everything else family, friends, husband, kids etc. will be the periphery and my world would revolve around me (believe it or not , my mother was the reason behind my logic too... I always felt she was way too nice and I saw that as a weakness). As I grew up I realized it gets really lonely the me first way , it is that bit of niceness we carry inside makes the world livable. However I still think it has to be a give and take business or at least needs to be balanced in some way.
If you think you are too nice all the time , may be you can start by (1) only one act of niceness a day (2) For every act of niceness to someone else return the favor to yourself as well. i.e. do something good for yourself.
It might help. Good Luck.
** Translation: Don't tell me about it :)
Tips to curb people pleasing
willynilly;315893I am unable to stay mad at anybody, no matter how big of an arguement or problem i've had with them, or even if they have wronged me. No matter how big the fight or issue was at the time, I will forget the anger in some time, and at times even apologize to amend things.
If it is just that, I think it is not an issue but a gift. Good for heart and mind.