Very tough decision-Return to India

[TowardsHome]

Thank you for giving valuable insights.

The dilemma with me is if I listen to my heart I want to go back to India but head says maybe no because of uncertainty as leaving a good satisfying job here and going there to no job and looking for one scares me done to spine.

But my main pull to go to India is taking care of my parents as they are lonely there and to have my kids Indian culture exposure


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No one in this forum can tell you what to do. Most of us are fellow travelers on the same path -- looking for answers. We can share our tales and dilemmas like fellow pilgrims on the same journey

No meaning that comes outside of you is real. There is a Zen Saying,"If you meet the Buddha on the Road,kill him"! You have to view the decision making from a different perspective. We try to make decisions with a subconscious assumption of one being the right decision and the other being the wrong decision and we do not know what it is. In these kind of situations there are no right or wrong decisions. Whichever decision gives you deeper sense of purpose, that probably might be the path to choose.

I am not saying that this is an easy process. If this was an easy choice, so many of us would not be hanging around here in this forum looking for wisdom . But as cliche it may sound , this time of deep unrest is also an opportunity for growth. There is pain in leaving the comfort of imagined certainty and pushing ourselves. It is an individual decision if you are willing to take up the cross and start on the journey

If staying closer to your parents is an important component of your value system then that is something that you should factor in. No one else can diminish or amplify its role on your decision making process. Yesterday one of my brightest assistants quit her job ( with excellent benefits and health care coverage ) and moved to rural Montana to take care of her octogenarian mother without a job in hand. I mentioned the following example in the past the threads One of the smartest men I knew who was raising star on the national scene gave up all he worked for on a whim moved to rural Alabama ? to be closer to family. Atleast with this guy he could start a medical practice anywhere he wanted ,as far as the medical assistant goes no one knows what is in store for her. But she seemed very happy and satisfied with her decision . These are people I just thought of. So many people in the forum made similar decisions and went back. Many came back - some stayed in India leading contended lives after giving up amazing careers here ( Sarkar , where art thou brother ? ). They found meaning and purpose in their journey.

Another assumption is false sense of security --that life will continue to be secure in one country and that would not be the case in another. I am assuming that you are well trained professional if you made it to one of the best cities in the world and are having thoughts of going back. Who knows what tomorrow has in store for us either here or there ? Why have a fear ridden vision of destiny?

Do not be afraid of pain of decision making process- look inward , and whatever may be outcome - make peace with it and live in the moment . In either case, call your parents more often :) !

[vapasi1]

OP,

I returned to India long back. I returned without a job in hand. It turned out alright for me. This job thing is an illusionary monster in everyone's head wanting to return. You will find a job in India to meet your expenses. But be informed that it might not be upto your liking or challenging enough. I am almost sure that it will not meet your expectations on the job satisfaction, professionalism kinda fronts. If job is only for meeting running epxenses and socialising, it is easily doable and if you are in IT it is even easier.

On the reasons to return, being close to family and aging parents was one of my reasons too. I have never regretted that one bit till day. Although, the priorities are now changing with kids having grown up and readying to go to college. If kids are USC, then you have to plan for an eventual R2A. Being ICs it is difficult for us to follow our USC kids if they want to R2A. But if it comes to that we are open to do it although it would mean going away from parents. BUt I am happy that we could be here for our family and parents and kids grew up amongst them. R2A will not lower that happiness or sense of satisfaction nor will it mean R2I failed. So be preapred for such a change in future.

[jaiaditya]

Thanks for all your valuable suggestions and comments.

People who have done R2I can you please suggest which month would be better for kids to get admission in class 5. We are thinking to give it a try for 1 year and see if it works out.

Yes definitely a lot of work to sell everything in the house and cars etc.Then buying everything again in India. But I guess that needs to be done.

I shall keep you posted in coming days.

And please let your suggestions and insights keep coming




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[pnq2012]

OP,

I returned to India long back. I returned without a job in hand. It turned out alright for me. This job thing is an illusionary monster in everyone's head wanting to return. You will find a job in India to meet your expenses. But be informed that it might not be upto your liking or challenging enough. I am almost sure that it will not meet your expectations on the job satisfaction, professionalism kinda fronts. If job is only for meeting running epxenses and socialising, it is easily doable and if you are in IT it is even easier.

On the reasons to return, being close to family and aging parents was one of my reasons too. I have never regretted that one bit till day. Although, the priorities are now changing with kids having grown up and readying to go to college. If kids are USC, then you have to plan for an eventual R2A. Being ICs it is difficult for us to follow our USC kids if they want to R2A. But if it comes to that we are open to do it although it would mean going away from parents. BUt I am happy that we could be here for our family and parents and kids grew up amongst them. R2A will not lower that happiness or sense of satisfaction nor will it mean R2I failed. So be preapred for such a change in future.

Agree. We are in similar situation, planning to move back to America. I'm an environmentalist and I personally do not see a healthy India for my kids to grow up. India is failing terribly from environmental perspective. So we are considering hybrid R2A, where one of us will shuttle between both countries till the kids settle down in US for higher education.

Having said that, we do not regret our decision of R2I, 8 years back. Kids were little, so adapted very well & were able to get lot of family time with parents and other relatives. They enjoyed the India culture although traveling around in India was not comfortable and fun.

If you are thinking of R2I and planning kids education in India, then it will be challenging. Older the kids, it will be difficult for them to settle. The main problem we have run into for kids is - no good access to proper educational resources. Lack of good libraries, museums & other intellectual activities, has many times made us question our decision.

What we have realized is that - if you have kids, you have to look from their perspective. It is selfish for me to say that I miss India and that is why I'm relocating back. There is time for that. So when you are in a dilemma, do look at it on whether how your family (kids) will accept the change & how will they benefit.

[vapasi1]

Agree. We are in similar situation, planning to move back to America. I'm an environmentalist and I personally do not see a healthy India for my kids to grow up. India is failing terribly from environmental perspective. So we are considering hybrid R2A, where one of us will shuttle between both countries till the kids settle down in US for higher education.

Having said that, we do not regret our decision of R2I, 8 years back. Kids were little, so adapted very well & were able to get lot of family time with parents and other relatives. They enjoyed the India culture although traveling around in India was not comfortable and fun.

If you are thinking of R2I and planning kids education in India, then it will be challenging. Older the kids, it will be difficult for them to settle. The main problem we have run into for kids is - no good access to proper educational resources. Lack of good libraries, museums & other intellectual activities, has many times made us question our decision.

What we have realized is that - if you have kids, you have to look from their perspective. It is selfish for me to say that I miss India and that is why I'm relocating back. There is time for that. So when you are in a dilemma, do look at it on whether how your family (kids) will accept the change & how will they benefit.

I agree that there are inherent disadvantages to R2I. Like you said, education of kids for some might be a deal-breaker. Technology is bridging that gap to some extent. But structural impediments remain. We were more inclined towards all-rounded growth of kids with the emotional security that comes from being among extended family. This emotional security extends beyond present times too. In future if, God forbid, things go wrong then these family connections can be great healing options versus the kid feeling all alone. So we could overlook the negatives.

Pollution etc. is also bad but a family or an individual cant do much there. Have to swallow that pill Rambharose:) It actually never entered in our decision making.

In short, R2I cannot happen without a leap of faith on some front. It cannot be planned till the last i and t.

[kumm]

Don't R2I just yet...would be my two cents

There was a little hope 4 years back when NaMo became PM. Now it is up in the air because of heavy funding from Saudi/Pakistan and Vatican agents to somehow bring back the KGB waitress gang to power. They only have to pump in 3500cr to bust the market and then NaMo's chances will be slim. But then some fault with NaMo too, for waking up too late against Jai-Italy for not acting againsts his friends PC etc..though NaMo has made him(Jai-Italy) a Minister without portfolio only recently.

Point is without an able administrator like NaMo things will be very bad. There will be run away inflation and generally tough life in a predator state.
Wait till next May. Since you are in Vancouver you don't have to deal with Trump. Small grace.

[pnq2012]

Pollution etc. is also bad but a family or an individual cant do much there. Have to swallow that pill Rambharose:) It actually never entered in our decision making.

Sadly, environmental status of a place is never considered when relocating as that never becomes a criteria if moving for job/family reasons. But it should be considered because more and more Indian cities are becoming unlivable. I do not want to hijack this thread with environment talk but it is obvious that with growing population, Indian cities will find it hard to tackle environmental challenges. And that should be considered when raising the next generation in a place where such threats are looming. We will be gone but why put our kids to fight it out.

[darwin29]

I don't agree that India is at disadvantage for R2I for environmental reasons..

Every country is facing some sort of problems like Europe ongoing heatwaves, Australian new south Wales drought etc..

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[pnq2012]

I don't agree that India is at disadvantage for R2I for environmental reasons..

Every country is facing some sort of problems like Europe ongoing heatwaves, Australian new south Wales drought etc..

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Yes, agree that climate change is hitting everyone but the way environmental problems have progressed in India, are very alarming. Much of it has to do with our speed of development. Research says that climate change will hit developing & populated nations harder as they do not have the means to cope with them.

Environmental issues are global now. It is one of the largest threats & unfortunately India is not doing much. The problems at individual level are quite severe - major threats being waste management and air pollution. As an individual, I cannot stop someone from burning garbage or dumping it in the rivers. And 60% of India does that.

India is failing the next generation. I'm not blaming the government completely because that is how our country demands are. We are not learning from the developed nations. There is no consistency, strategic planning & most of it is catch-up to outperform. We should be adopting green technologies, saving our forests, preserving resources like water, ensuring cleaner air by improving transportation & not build more roads so that we can add more cars. Concrete jungles will eventually destroy us faster than other countries. The list goes on.

From a R2I perspective, people need to look at the next 5 years in India. Progress does not necessarily mean good times. It comes at a huge environmental cost especially in India. If every Indian can buy a car, that is not progress , that is destruction.

[darwin29]

Yes, agree that climate change is hitting everyone but the way environmental problems have progressed in India, are very alarming. Much of it has to do with our speed of development. Research says that climate change will hit developing & populated nations harder as they do not have the means to cope with them.

Environmental issues are global now. It is one of the largest threats & unfortunately India is not doing much. The problems at individual level are quite severe - major threats being waste management and air pollution. As an individual, I cannot stop someone from burning garbage or dumping it in the rivers. And 60% of India does that.

India is failing the next generation. I'm not blaming the government completely because that is how our country demands are. We are not learning from the developed nations. There is no consistency, strategic planning & most of it is catch-up to outperform. We should be adopting green technologies, saving our forests, preserving resources like water, ensuring cleaner air by improving transportation & not build more roads so that we can add more cars. Concrete jungles will eventually destroy us faster than other countries. The list goes on.

From a R2I perspective, people need to look at the next 5 years in India. Progress does not necessarily mean good times. It comes at a huge environmental cost especially in India. If every Indian can buy a car, that is not progress , that is destruction.

How many cars,refrigerators, air conditioners do Americans/Europeans/Middle eastern people hold ?

Agreed otherwise that there is vast scope for improvement for India i.e Indians and every day in Bangalore when i walk in the street there is not a single day without garbage thrown in middle of road by some residents and street dogs trying to take some share from it..

Its the mentality that suffers largely here.. but still there is no way I am leaving India during my rest of my life as I feel so lively and vibrant living here...



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