Helping friend who has been job hunting for months?

[M V]

How does one talk to a friend who has been job hunting for months or over a year? What can we say? Any do's and don'ts? Saw some articles that give suggestions (don't keep asking for updates, don't brag about vacations, don't stop meeting or inviting them over, whether or not to lend money and so on). All that seemed OK but a bit insufficient to apply to close friends one has known for long. In addition, most of the advice didn't seem to fit in very well with the not-exactly-American friendships desis tend to have with each other.

I know people who have either been without a job for long or have a spouse in that situation. One is single too. What can one do to help aside from the obvious one of passing on any job leads? Any suggestions?

[DesBhakt]

I agree with the ones u have mentioned. ->(don't keep asking for updates, don't brag about vacations, don't stop meeting or inviting them over) Whenever money comes in these situations, things might get tricky. In fact the friendship that one is trying to protect might come under stress with money.

I can't think of what else to do other than passing job leads. Mention maybe that a friend in a similar situation did a contracting job , until he/she found a full time job?

[anwesha]

In my experience Indian men are more sensitive while out of job than women. Many are offended & humiliated incase of unsolicited offers for help.

If he/she is eager to get your help finding a job, you could..
- recommend placement agency/job openings/career fairs that you know has worked.
- introduce your friend to your former employers, contacts and help expand the network
- review friend's skills,resume and provide constructive criticism & encouragement.
- help identify other means of earning such as freelancing


HTH

[ksheer3]

close friends one has known for long.

How close? How long? If bosom buddy/langoti yaar /been together since 1st grade--type Then you don't need any advice. You'll know what to do and how to help better than any stranger can tell you.
Otherwise consider giving networking parties -- inviting influential acquaintances ( mgrs, proj.leaders ) in your co or others' cos where opptys may arise in the future. Try to make it adults only -- tho difficult in desi settings.
If family under stress --- movies and picnics etc to relieve stress? Or offer to baby-sit/house-sit over long wkend to give couple some time off [ Again desi parents may not enjoy time together w/o kids] Celebrate b'days and festivals which they might otherwise skip. You can sense where I am going with this. Emotional support and community support goes a long way to ease the pain.

[M V]

Already some very useful responses. Thanks. Not childhood friends, but very close ones.

[KirKS]

For desis, we need to do things differently compared to native born Americans. I have observed that native born Americans are more open to support groups for any sort of issue in life. Hence there are many support groups for diseases, for addiction prevention, for job search/networking, for even stock market trading tips. Desis are good when things are going good. They are very social at that time.

But when things go bad - be it job or health or marriage etc., they tend to become introverts. Again, I don't have thousands of cases as sample study, but from whatever I have seen. So it is better not to try any innovative way of making contact with Desis when they are in job search mode. If you already had some channels of communication, just keep them.

It's better to avoid face to face meetings as much as possible, unless they approach first. Keep in touch, but don't do anything differently compared to what was in vogue before their job loss. Phone or Electronic communication probably is better when they are in a 'shell'.

[mailtodhar]

In one instance, used to call weekly once with little discussion on his position but passed leads indirectly. Also invited community religious bhajans. I hope it helped him.

[gwldaddu]

In addition, most of the advice didn't seem to fit in very well with the not-exactly-American friendships desis tend to have with each other

I completely agree with your statement. The articles are written based on a particular set of audience. A particular set of culture in mind. They do not specifically fit into desi relationships.

That said, as many have said, if it is your "diaper friend" :-), no word of yours will offend him/her. If not, then you are the best person to judge and decide.

[My Roots]

I understand the sensitivity involved while talking about job loss when it comes to our people.
I volunteer myself to ask them to send their resume so that I can forward it too all possible contacts I know.
Depending on their response, whether they send resume or not, I understand their mindset.

I agree with the following that we should not isolate them from social network
[QUOTE](don't keep asking for updates, don't brag about vacations, don't stop meeting or inviting them over, whether or not to lend money and so on).

More from my observation
*Do not talk about savings, house hunt, green card, citizenship if they happen to be on H1.
*Do not make comparison of $ vs Rs
*Do not say how USA is heaven on earth in terms of quality of life, kids education since most probably he will be thinking allong the lines of returning if job not found in couple months stretch.
* DO NOT TALK ABOUT THEM ON THEIR BACK.
* Depending on your relationship , assure them that every one go through such tough times.

[M V]

Maintaining talk and contact like before is ideal.

Regular conversation like "what did you do last weekend", "any plans for summer" , "saw any movies" and so on become dicey, as do some updates from our side since they have not much in forms of update. Slowly, this causes the friendship to wane. That is when more effort by the not-job-hunting friend needs to go into keeping it alive.

Since I don't work, it is kind of easier in a way. If one works, and meets a friend not working currently for long, it must be tougher. Or perhaps not...